Where Angels Fly
by wellhowdythere
Summary: In a society unaccepting of any differences, Ciel Phantomhive is faced with a choice: blend in completely or take his own life. After a failed suicide attempt, he flees to New York and, after meeting his therapist, finds that angels do indeed fly on earth.
1. Chapter 1

Where Angels Fly

Ch 1

**A/N: Darlings, I'm back! This is my first multichap fic, so I will TRY to update every Wednesday. I LOVE writing for Ciel, I love him so much that I am doing a photo shoot as him this summer. **

**Warnings: This fic is about a SUICIDE VICTIM. If you do not want to read about suicide, possible , character death and MILD slash romance, DON'T READ. Flamers, I WILL FLAME BACK.**

**This is unbetaed so there will be spelling/ grammar errors.**

_This is a flashback. Flashbacks will change to third person._

**Disclaimer: I am only a lowly fangirl. I do not own Kuroshitsuji.**

**Have a nice time reading…**

The first sensation I became aware of was pain. This, of course, was not unusual for me- after all, self-harm is quite painful. But the pain in my wrists was more than just a light slashes with a razor- a dull fire was spreading through my arms, as if someone had scratched off my skin. That person being myself. Peering down, I saw my rather delicate wrists swathed in white bandages similar in color to my porcelain skin, blooming with the red roses of my blood , the cloth winding all the way up to my slender shoulder, which were dressed in-green cotton? I didn't own anything that wasn't black…wait…was this a hospital? Clearly, because this certainly wasn't heaven and looked a little too clean to be hell, and after that, a hospital is really the only place you can end up in after trying to kill yourself.

_Ciel sat on the floor of his bathroom, barely registering the sting of the icy tile floor against his porcelain skin. Diamond-like tears rolled down his cherub cheeks as inner turmoil raged. He was being forced to weigh his family against his happiness, his life against his capability to love. And the shining silver razor sitting between the two sinks served as a symbol of his choice- stay in here and starve to death while he contemplated how to live, or end it all quickly with his shining friend._

**A/N: This is really just a peek at the rest of the story, but I felt I needed to end the chap here.**

**Oh, and BTW, I'm actually a really cheerful person. I just write creepy stuff.**


	2. Chapter 2

Where Angels Fly

Ch 2

**A/N: Really early update, but school's almost out so I had nothing to do. Many thanks to promocat, RaspberryCupcake and Migoto Nami. In reply: thanks for your support. You will find out what happened this chap and the next…and I forgot to mention: this fic is (mostly) AU so Sebby is human. Ciel has never met him. Sorry for the short chap.**

**Warnings: Mild adult themes (suicide), there will be mild slash romance later.**

**Songs I listened to while writing: Everytime We Touch by Cascada, Mad World by Adam Lambert, Outlaws of Love by the same, and Terrible Things by Mayday Parade, Learn to Be Lonely from Phantom of the Opera and Without Love from Hairspray. Singing really loud while I write!**

**Disclaimer: I'm just a fangirl using this website to make her fangirl dreams come true! All rights go to Yana Tsobosa.**

_This is a flashback. It will switch to third person._

_The door of the bathroom slammed shut behind him, and he heard a grating sound as his mother turned the key in his lock, his father having already stormed down to the local bar for a drink to relieve his stress after the fight. Tears, previously hidden so that he could appear strong, streamed down Ciel's face like tiny rivers. He couldn't believe that his own family could be so cruel: he knew that the society around them had a heart harder than stone, unforgiving of those who stepped out of line, but he hadn't realized that coming out to his parents would put his life on the line, that the pressures of society would weigh down on them to the point where fear of scandal and hate of differences would overwhelm any love or dedication that they felt towards their son._

_ So here he was, sitting in a cold white bathroom, the door locked on the outside by his own mother, left with two choices: die a slow, painful death all alone on the floor from starvation, or make it fast using the silver instrument between the sinks. His third choice had vanished midway through the fight, when he had shouted that he would rather die than deny his true self. Ciel had been in a lot of pain throughout his seventeen years of life, ignored in a society that had oppressed anybody different, so much that he had shut himself away, without friends or relationships, never speaking out in school or having any fun. He doubted that anyone at his school knew his name, or even noticed that he was there. The pain of loneliness ate away at him sometimes, and it was on those days that he sank to the floor of the abandoned guy's bathroom at the back of the school and, removing the blade from his schoolbag, proceeded to decorate his skin with a beautiful design of red roses. At all other times, however, Ciel was an emotionless brick wall. Ciel Phantomhive had learned to be lonely. So without further hesitation, he bent his head, grabbed the razor, and brought the blade down over his slender wrist._

I sat hunched over in my hospital, my normal dignified stance gone from sight. I felt broken for the first time in a long while, as I had long since learned to put together the pieces using pride, determination and a certain distance from my emotions. At first, I wondered how I had ever gotten out of that bathroom- clearly I had expected my short life to end locked in a tiny, white tiled room. This was somehow ironic, as my entire life I had felt like I was shut away, being slowly crushed by the outside world, staring blankly at the bland space around me. Despite my seeming dislike of the world around me, I was glad that my attempt had failed, because I did, deep down, believe that I had to have a purpose in the world, and wanted to make a difference. I wanted to fall in love, at least once, and have my heart broken so I could remember what it felt like when I broke the heart of others. I wanted to spend an entire day doing nothing but stare at the clouds, so that I could learn what it was to see real beauty. And I wanted to know what it was like to laugh deeply and with all my heart. Only then would I be content to die.

A nurse came and went, administering medication and tending to the bandages on my wrist. She made meaningless chatter while I sat in stony silence, but I was left with the impression that she was terrified of me and what I had done. The young nurse also mentioned that I had had no visitors: not something that surprised me, as my parents were the only people in the world that had ever acknowledged that I existed, and they were the reason that I was in this hospital. I did dwell on the fact that I had almost died and no one had bothered to come and see if I was all right, most, I expected, would be upset. But who was I expecting to visit me? The first step on reclaiming my dignity, I decided, was to reclaim the old Ciel Phantomhive: emotionless, with nerves of steel, inaccessible to anyone.

Which is why I was disappointed to see how shaken my nerves were when I was told that I would be moving from my home in Utah to New York City for therapy. In two days.

**A/N: ! I'm totally looking forward to when Ciel moves to New York, cuz he's finally gonna meet Bassy. Right now, I'm a little bored cuz Ciel's not really having any human interaction right now, but it's important to the plot, so…I will carry on!**

**Reviews make Ciel happier! And god knows he needs that right know. So save Ciel!**

**Adios for now!**


	3. Chapter 3

Where Angels Fly

Ch 3

**A/N: Hello lovelies. Bored to death from doing nothing so I decided to post another chap…here it is!**

**Playlist: Lovesong by Sara Barielles, Whiskey Lullaby, Titanic song, Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera , Not The Boy Next Door (The Boy From Oz), Dancing Away With My Heart and Forever and Always by Parachute.**

**Dedications: To my lovely friend who reads all my work and helps me through writers block and to everyone in the world that is going through what Ciel does.**

**Makes me a little sad that Ch 1 has triple the hits of Ch 2. People seem to stop reading after the first chap.**

**Warnings: The usual: suicide, slash romance, emoness.**

**Disclaimer: Why would I be on this site if I owned Kuroshitsuji? And why would Claude exist.**

_As always, flashba_cks _are third person and italicized. Sorry for the short chap. I try to make up for it by updating a lot._

After being wrenched from my rock hard bed at a most important time this morning, I, Ciel Phantomhive, was in the foulest of moods. Apparently, or so the chirpy nurse informed me, my blood levels were back to normal and the staff felt that it would be best to get me out of the hospital , and out of Utah, as soon as possible. They felt that our community of the highly religious would not be beneficial to my mental and emotional state, and also mentioned that my parents had decided for their son to have mental treatment (they did not seem to realize that most of the damage was inflicted by them) and had willingly paid for the therapist…as well as for a bus ticket to New York and an apartment that I was to share with the man that would be my therapist.

I wondered about the man…I hadn't been told anything about him, other than the fact that he was male (obviously), young, and talented at dealing with 'challenged' cases. Despite my strong and silent façade, a niggling feeling of worry did linger in the back of my mind- I'd never really had any human interaction, except for with my parents and the mandatory interaction with the teachers and pupils at school, and here I was, driving halfway across the country to a city that I didn't know anything about, to spend an unforeseeable amount of time living with a complete stranger, to whom I was supposed to pour out my darkest secrets.

Still, I supposed I should be glad for this chance- if it wasn't for this trip, I could never have left my hometown and spent the rest of my life oppressed in a community that hated me for who I loved. New York was my glittering salvation, shining with promise. But it frightened me a bit to. Ciel Phantomhive had always been a dark ink blot on the page of life- he wasn't the type to shine. However, this was the only chance I was ever going to get, so I might as well seize it. And to admit, I was tired of putting myself back together whenever I shattered. It was time to do something I had never done before: call out for help. It was time to fix Ciel Phantomhive once and for all. I would be silent no longer.

And so, gazing out at the dark forest past the finger-smudged windows of the empty bus, I looked at the stars, glittering above the trees, and swore to myself to get out of the dark forest and into the sparkling sky.

The silence ended now.

I opened my mouth and began to sing the words of the song coming out of the rusty bus radio in a voice that few had heard before…

….Wanna scream out  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya, you'll be alright  
In the aftermath  
Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the aftermath…

The aftermath of Ciel Phantomhive was going to burn brighter than the world had seen before.

**A/N: Didn't feel into the story, so I don't really like this chap, but I really wanted to write.**

**The song is Aftermath by Adam Lambert. I love it to death and sing it every day.**

**Please, PLEASE, REVIEW! Tell me what you like, what you hate, what your day was like, what you think about cats…. ANYTHING! It makes my day to see those little notifications.**

**Muchas love to you all,**

**W.H. T.**


	4. Chapter 4

Where Angels Fly

Ch 4

**A/N: I said I would update on Wednesdays so here I am! Chapter 4! It's kinda rushed cuz I have a rehearsal for this singing thing (I do classical singing). About the chapter: I know the Sebastian/Ciel seems a long time in coming but it will be there someday!**

**Also, the beginning is based off the quote "Something bout the way the street looks after its just rained there's a glow off the pavement…" not really a Taylor Swift fan but it was stuck in my head. If you know the rest of the lyrics, remember them! They will tie in later.**

**Songs I listened to: Safe and Sound, I'm Not Afraid of Anything, Not Drunk Enough, Monochrome no Kiss, Back to Black and Valerie.**

**Warnings: Same old. I guess there will be shota to come as Ciel is 17.**

**Disclaimer: I…don't…own…Ciel**

**Random question: Would you like to see just Ciel and Sebby or should I involve other characters in the plor?**

I looked out of the smudged window of the bus just as it pulled into the parking lot. Empty save for a few dim street lights, the place looked rather dull, not at all like the glamorous New York that the energetic young nurse had rambled on about. However, I supposed, this dark parking lot with its row of faded brick apartment buildings was far more suited to me than some glamorous high-rise. Fate had been kind.

As I stepped off the bus, a backpack of my clothes in hand, I felt a chill breeze. This was not surprising; one o'clock in the morning in the fall just after the rain was not a pleasant time of year. However, looking around, I managed to pick out some highlights of the night: there was no one around, so I would not be forced to interact with any other humans and the yellow light of the street lights caused shadows to stretch in an interesting fashion, the light causing a diffused glow on the cement of the pavement. Despite the urban beauty of my surroundings, and the peaceful sensation of being completely alone for the first time since I landed in that dreaded hospital, I decided to try and find my new home.

Scanning the row of brick apartments with my single eye, I pulled a worn green post-it out of my pocket, on which was printed, in bright pink lettering, the number of the apartment I was to share with my therapist: 1044. As I continued to meander down the block, I caught sight of the same number engraved in the brass plate of one of the doors. Stopping, I mounted the worn concrete steps, reached out for the brass doorbell, and paused, hand outstretched. "You could just run away now" spoke a small voice in the back of my mind. "That wasn't such a bad idea, what you did back in Utah. There's plenty of cars on the highway over there. If you stepped out into the middle of the road, you wouldn't stand a chance". "No." I told myself. "This is the new, proud Ciel Phantomhive, who is going to gain back the dignity that he lost in Utah!" And so, steeling my resolve, I reach out a slender, black gloved finger and pushed the bell.

To my surprise, no one answered. Taking a seat on the cold step and pulling my backpack onto my lap, I huddled down and decided to wait. My therapist, the irresponsible jerk, was going to have to get here at some point. There was no chance I was in the wrong place. I, Ciel Phantomhive, am always right.

A good five minutes later, however, I was startled out of my reverie by the creaking of the red door behind me. Warmth flooded me as the door swung open, but, my back still being turned away from the house as I kept my seat on the stoop. Standing and turning to face the warmth, I saw a glimpse of a cosy, but empty apartment, currently in darkness- the man holding the door open must have been asleep.

"Ciel Phantomhive?" The man asked, in a deep methodical voice. "My new patient?"

I nodded robotically.

"You'd better come in then. It's cold out".

Another nod.

Then I looked up and met the man's scarlet eyes. And stared.

"I'm Sebaastian Michaelis? Your new therapist?" He said, in the attitude of one speaking to the very confused.

After another silent nod, he gave up on conversation and pulled me inside.

One thought went through my cold-numbed mind: Oh God, I'm stuck with a talkative therapist.

**A/N: And there we have it. Next time: Ciel and Sebastian have an awkward conversation as Sebastian tries to get to know his new therapist.**

**I cannot thank you enough if you are a reviewer of mine and if you are a reader: reviews mean the world to me. Me and Ciel will treasure them forever.**


	5. Chapter 5

Where Angels Fly 

Chapter 5

**A/N: So, this is an early update, instead of updating on Wednesday, as by then I will be living as a hermit in the mountains (hermit=no wifi). I also just wanted to write- I was feeling the inspiration today, as a couple of friends and I went looking for cosplay pieces in vintage stores, and I found a jacket that I am sewing to look just like Ciel's in the black outfit. Also, you may have noticed that this story now has a cover, it is a photoshopped thing made by myself.**

**Playlist: Jar of Hearts, Making Good (deleted song from Wicked), Viva la Vida by Coldplay, As Long As You're Mine from Wicked and Cry by Kelly Clarkson.**

**Warnings: If you are reading chapter five, you know there is attempted suicide. There will be slash romance and shota to come.**

**Thank you to all who reviewed. Promocat's remark about Ciel and his ability to speak to Sebastian was completely correct. Seeing reviews always manage to put a smile on my face.**

**On with the story! Again, apologies for my inability to write long chapters.**

It being past one o'clock in the morning when I entered my therapists dark apartment, I figured that he would go back to sleep and I would attempt to do so as well. However, shortly after entering into the darkened living room, he turned on all the lights and proceeded to give me a tour of what was a very normal apartment: kitchen, bathroom, living room, and last of all, the two bedrooms, to which we were now walking down the white hall towards.

As I walked silently against the white walls, trying to put as much distance as possible from the tall therapist and myself in the narrow hall, I saw the two doors at either end of the corridor. The one on the left, painted black, was Sebastian's, I presumed, as it seemed a rather unwise decision to put the suicidal boy that you were attempting to treat in a black room. The other was a boring white, my room, I presumed. My presumption was proved correct when he held open the black door, allowing me to pass by him, brushing his black sleeve and smelling a whiff of cinnamon as we both tried to fit through the narrow doorway. The room itself, with a black double bed and blood red walls, was fairly nondescript, with a simple wooden desk and laptop sitting in the corner. It was, however extremely neat, unusual for a man that seemed as young as Sebastian.

Then I was whisked across the hallway and through the white door, which I had thought led to my room. Again, I was right. However, knowing to whom the room belonged did not prepare me for the shock I felt when I walked through the door and saw the inside of the room. It was papered entirely in navy blue, brocade wallpaper, and had a mahogany bureau and armoire pushed up against the walls. A canopy bed, draped with blue velvet curtains, sat in the center of the room, and the cream carpet was thick and plush under my bare feet. A little gasp escaped my mouth as I continued to gaze at the beautiful room, which had been unknowingly been decorated precisely to my tastes and was the nicest place that I had ever stayed. In comparison to the rest of the house and the plain room in which Sebastian lived, this was a room fit for a prince.

"Is this okay with you?" Asked Sebastian, "I wanted a place that you would feel comfortable and after seeing your picture and reading your description, I pictured you in a place like this. Even if you don't trust me, I want there to always be a place where you can feel at home.

I didn't answer because my throat was choked up with tears, and I didn't want to say that that was the nicest thing a person had ever said or done for me. Instead, I shakily nodded my head and laid back on my wonderful new bed, too tired to notice that Sebastian never left the room.

**A/N: I was left with a dilemma because there is actually a second half to this chapter that was going to be an awkward first therapy lesson. Instead, it will be published in a longer version as chapter six.**

**Reviews mean more updates which means that the actual plot of this story will appear again soon.**

**Much love,**

**w.h.t **

**Thank you to all reviewers, hope you enjoyed reading and I will try to post the second half as soon as possible.**


	6. Chapter 6

Where Angels Fly

Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey, I'm back. Sorry for not updating on Wednesday, there's no wifi at my cabin. There will probably be the same issue next week, I'll try to update whenever I can. On with the story"**

**Warnings: Same as usual.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot.**

**Playlist: Permanent Marker, Dancing Through Life, Is Anybody Listening?, No Good Deed and Underneath by Adam Lambert.**

**This is the second half of chapter five. Sorry it's short .**

I woke up to light streaming through the gap in the curtains around my bed and the sounds of traffic outside the window. Clearly, I wasn't in Utah anymore…there were barely any cars in our small town…but where was I. As I struggled out from under the heavy blue duvet, I realized two things: A, I was in a strange apartment, which I now remembered belonged to my therapist…Sebastian, was it? B, I had somehow ended up in my bed when my last memory was sitting on my bed after being shown my room by the therapist. Random act of kindness by Sebastian number two. If this kept up, I was going to get spoiled.

Following the sound of pans rattling, I left my room and walked down the hallway, entering the kitchen at the end of the corridor. Clean and white, it created juxtaposition to the man at the stove, dressed all in black and looking rumpled. Clearly, he had just awoken too. As I padded softly over to the stove, he turned and smile. "Ah, Ciel, you are awake, I see. How was your sleep?"

My brain immediately stalled. I was really going to have to get used to this human interaction thing. However, it was far too early in the morning for speech, so I simply nodded my head. Last night had been, in fact, the best sleep I had had in years, because I did not have the fear that flowed through the rooms of my home like water to keep me awake. However, being the proud creature that I am, I did not privilege Sebastian with this answer and instead grabbed one of the pancakes Sebastian had been frying off the plate next to the stove, and sat down at the table, my focus now solely upon the food in my hands. Watching me devour the pancake with vigor, curiosity and worry sparked in the other man's scarlet eyes. "Ciel…were you…starved…in your previous home?"

This sounded more like a therapy question, and the food had given me confidence, so I decided to answer. "Not starved, per se…my parents just ignored me most of the time, so I was lucky if they remembered to feed me…however, I have to say that being ignored by my parents was better than the few times that they noticed me…the last time they noticed me, I ended up in the hospital, and now I am here…".

"I see." Replied Sebastian, his head clearly up in the clouds. I cringed at the sympathy in his voice. I may be his patient, but I still had my pride, and loathe pity. However, it seemed that Sebastian had rejoined me in the kitchen, and, with plenty of pancakes to keep me going, started the first therapy session.

"So, Ciel, I figured that we could start out with a simple Q and A session- of course, for every answer you give me, you can ask me something in return. All I require is that you answer truthfully." Hmm, this was starting to get interesting. I resented having to talk about myself, but learning about my therapist…that might be worth my time.

"Okay, so the first question I would like to ask is…why do you think you are here, Ciel?" Not the question I had expected…this Sebastian must be duller than he looked…he already knew why I was here. However, I had no choice but to answer. He was already staring at me intensely from across the table. In monotone, I said, "I am here because I tried to kill myself after being pressured into it by my parents because I was gay. Oh, and I am also a self harmer. Therefore, I need therapy so that I do not try suicide again." Sebastian had gone even paler than he normally was. I must have shocked him with my straightforward answer. "Umm…thank you for sharing that, Ciel. You may ask me something now.

Now this is the fun part, I thought, smirking evilly. However, I did want to know more about Sebastian, so I chose a simple question, to which I would most likely get a truthful answer. "Why did you choose to be a therapist? It seems like such a depressing job." Sadness crossed Sebastian's face. That was odd. How could such a basic question, about work, hit a nerve?

Sadness straining his deep voice, Sebastian answered "I became a therapist because I wanted to do for others what my own therapist did for me." "You had a therapist? Why?" I demanded. "That's two questions, but I shall answer anyways", Sebastian replied. Pulling up the sleeve of his black shirt up, he laid his arm on the table, facing up. Now it was my turn to be shocked. Crisscrossing the pale wrist were dark lines, scars, forming a lattice over the ivory skin. Scars almost identical to those on my own arms. The shock must have been visible in my eyes, because he said "Don't worry, I've recovered as much as is possible. But that's why I wanted to work in therapy, so I never wanted people wanted to feel the same pain I went through. It may sound cheesy, but with every heart I make lighter I move farther away from my own darkness". You needn't worry your pretty head about me, Ciel". My pale face flushed scarlet at the gentle tease. Sebastian must have known that the gentle teasing was more than I was capable of on the human interaction scale, so for the rest of the day, we sat at the kitchen table, munching our way through snacks as we tried to get to know each other.

The questions ranged from simple likes and dislikes (although we both shared a love of chocolate cake, Sebastian loved cats, a creature to which I was allergic) to serious medical and emotional questions (from a detailed description of the recent events in Utah to the fact that I had asthma). Despite my initial revulsion to Sebastian, because he talked too much, I later found that this was a blessing disguise, for he knew the moments in which to make lighthearted chatter as I choked up yet tried to keep my dignity, and the moments at which to be silent, knowing I needed silence to talk about things that I had never mentioned before, from the knife hidden in my schoolbag to the torture I went through every day at home.

So, lying in bed that night, I thought…although there was still much Sebastian had to learn (I had not exactly been detailed in our discussion, and most of my answers took lots of coaxing), I considered for the first time…that this therapy thing, it might actually work. And someday, maybe I would learn what it felt like to be happy.

**A/N: Again, sorry for the late and short update. So…Ciel is getting better. But of course, that would be moving too fast so…wait till the next chap for more torture of Ciel. Thank you to all of my lovely reviewers! I love you all!**

**Please, please review. Tell me about your day, whatever. Just hit that handy little button at the bottom of the page!**

**Much love to you,**

**Thank you for reading,**

**W.H.T.**

**P.S. Sorry for the grammar mistakes…I believe I made a few.**


	7. Chapter 7

Where Angels Fly 

Chapter 7

**A/N: Finally back to the world of the semi-sane! Also known as my house, which, although shared with many psycho people, has wifi. I apologize again for the late updates, and am sorry to say that I will not be able to update for the next two weeks as I will be in New York! I was thrilled to see all the lovely reviews for chapter six, I am glad you liked it, especially because my dialogue writing skills are…iffy at best.**

**Warnings: The usual.**

**Playlist: Since U Been Gone, Vanilla Ice Cream, At the End of The Day, Concrete Angel, King of Anything and Alyssa Lies.**

**Disclaimer: Rifles through paperwork…yep, still don't own Black Butler.**

By the next morning, however, it was clear that the peace of the day before was long gone. Waking up at four in the morning after a plague of my typical nightmares, I stumbled out into the darkened hallway and slipped into Sebastian's room, only to find the black coverlet mussed and the raven far from sight. A quick search of the apartment lead me to discover that Sebastian had gone out, leaving me alone in the apartment-he probably assumed that I would not be up for a while, and, given yesterday's performance, probably thought that I was stable enough to be left alone for a few hours.

Sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by a veil of loneliness, I wondered vaguely why Sebastian's absence was getting to me. I had never depended on anyone, so my isolation had never made me feel lonely. The people of the outside of the world made it clear that they didn't need me so who was I to contact them. Had yesterday's session, my first real human interaction and the closest to happy that I had ever come, really made me this soft? Or was it something about the particular human that I was interacting with? Sebastian…he wasn't anything special, per se…average intelligence, young, handsome…no, it was his above average kindness that made him different than the others that I had barricaded out of my life. There was something about him…just as I was building my walls back up, he would come in and knock them down again. No one had ever made me…want to confide in them before.

So here I was, sitting in a strange kitchen, moping about a man that seemed to be a prince charming straight of a fairytale…a fairytale in which I was the forgotten characters…the hunter that spared the life of Snow White, the king that held the christening at which Sleeping Beauty was cursed. No, it was time for Ciel Phantomhive to become to become cold again. I never felt anything, and I was willing to forgo ever feeling happiness if it meant sparing myself any more pain than my short life had already brought me. I didn't even know who I was anymore…where was the ice boy that hid in the corner, a shadow unknown to all?

Another hour of boredom and depression later, I found myself scratching away at a piece of paper that I had found on the desk in my room. Unable to locate a proper pen, I was using a stub of pencil, plucked from its place in the carpet, to write…an attempt to relocate who I was.

I am a shadow, hidden in the darkest corners, where no one ventures for fear of what they might learn.

I'm the boy who's heart is buried in dust, the same dust that is slowly suffocating away his life.

I built up walls around my heart that snuffed out any fire after experiencing too much too young.

I trust no one but myself, the same person that hurts me the most.

I have collected a mountain of fears and it is about to tumble down on top of me.

I am Ciel Phantomhive.

I am broken.

I am terrified of being fixed.

When Sebastian walked through the door at eight the same morning, his heart felt heavy. He had tossed and turned all night, worrying about Ciel and trying to figure out a way to break the boy's seemingly impenetrable shell. The worrying got so bad that he found himself walking out of the apartment and walking aimlessly on the cold pavement of New York. Although he had supposed that the chill nighttime air would soothe his racing mind, his brain instead went into overdrive thinking about the boy that was now under his care, and he made a beeline straight back to the apartment.

The raven rushed into his charge's room to find Ciel fast asleep, his head resting on his still-bandaged wrist. Sebastian took in the sight of him, relief slowly filtering through his veins as he gazed upon the soft, smoke coloured locks and coal black eyelashes that fluttered against the flawless porcelain skin, flushed an adorable pink with sleep. The relief as soon replaced with a mild panic as Sebastian wondered what exactly the boy was doing at his desk: when Sebastian had last checked on him, Ciel had been fast asleep in bed.

The mystery was cleared when Sebastian spied the crumpled piece of paper resting by the unconscious boy's foot. Bending, he retrieved it, and sat down on the bed, his brow furrowing as he took in the elegant script and the words which were printed on the paper. A tear slowly slipped from his eye…he had known that the boy was damaged, all of his patients were, but Ciel had a bearing that made him seem…different. Despite all the horrible things the boy had been through, he had kept his dignity, a sad little prince in a world of cruel commoners. Staring once again at Ciel's beautiful sleeping face, the face of a creature to beautiful and delicate to be broken, Ciel swore to himself that he would one day replace Ciel's constant frown with a smile of true happiness.

**A/N: Short like always, but at least there was some Sebastian POV! Hope I didn't disappoint. Remember, nothing will encourage me to write more than a bunch of reviews waiting for me when I get back from my trip.**

**Much love to you all,**

**Thanks for reading, **

**W.H.T.**


	8. Chapter 8

Where Angels Fly

Chapter Eight

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay in publishing, I have been very busy. On vacation I was like okay, taking a break from fanfiction, no big deal. By the second day I was writing random ideas on my hands. However, I am pleased to say that I have planned out the content of the rest of the story and there will be around 30 chapters, maybe more. Hehehehe…. I KNOW WHAT THE END IS! Excusing my craziness, on to the disclaimer:**

**I DO NOT OWN KUROSHITSUJI, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW.**

**Warnings: the usual. I'm starting to think these are unnecessary.**

**Songs: Knives and Pens by the BVB, Make You Feel My Love, The Blower's Daughter, Endlessly by The Cab, Boys Like Girls The Great Escape.**

The next few weeks passed in a normal way- normal, but not boring, because for the first time in my life, I had a companion- Sebastian. Our days had been spent taking long walks in Central Park as Sebastian attempted to make conversation. He was blessed, however, with a companion about as talkative as a brick wall, so he normally ended up talking about meaningless things, such as the weather, while I exercised an extreme talent for nodding. This simple exchange may have been overlooked by many, and probably was, by the other people in the park. But to me, the fact that there was someone talking to me was amazing, almost overwhelming.

After matter of time, however, I began adding my own input to the conversation, whether it was a simple yes or no answer to one of Sebastian's queries, or a comment about the weather. I came to enjoy our daily walk, as it added order to a life that had been previously been filled with small horrors, and- although I was embarrassed to admit it, it gave me an opportunity to become closer to my dark haired therapist.

It was odd, how easily I had given up my status as complete loner and had adapted to showing the occasional dependence on another- a trait I was normally disgusted by. However, it seemed to me that this trait might be alright, after all, the more I depended on Sebastian, the more likely it was that I could recover and go back to living my normal, if lonely, life.

As I sat on my bed, however, I wondered if I would be able to go back to leading that lonely life- despite myself, I was finding it harder and harder to imagine not having Sebastian by my side. The presence of the raven was like that of a lamp- warm, steady and comforting in comparison to my own dark, wavering flame.

…..Sebastian's POV…

It was a night about month after I had taken Ciel in that I found myself lying in my bed, unable to sleep, thinking about my blue haired charge. He was an odd one…like a beautiful porcelain doll- wonderful to look upon, but always minutes away from shattering. One would think, that, given his case, there would have been lots of damp tissues and tear filled nights in our short history….but in contrast, I had not yet seen Ciel shed a single tear. That was what was so intriguing about him- he had such a dark past, yet he had managed to hold on to an unshakable pride.

Did I worry about him? Yes, every day…it was that very pride that scared me so much about him- I was terrified that inside, he was really broken to pieces, and that he was simply too proud to depend on me for anything more than room, board, and the occasional chat.

There were times, though, when we were strolling through central park, shoulder to shoulder, my hair blown wild in the wind, his cheeks flushed pink from the cold, that I forgot every worry, every horrible detail of his past, and just let myself soak up the joy of spending time with such a beautiful person, inside and out. For Ciel had not been the only lonely one before his arrival. And the more I got to know him, the more I reveled in each simple detail about him that our conversations gave, the less lonely became, and the harder it became to imagine life after his treatment was over and he left.

So I treasured every moment that we had together, the way my heart leapt every time I heard his voice, the way my eyes followed him whenever he entered the room. I started to take pictures, which he hated, and I loved, because his face was just the most adorable thing when he got mad, and because the pictures gave me something to hold onto when he was gone. I even made an effort to remember the sad moments: I kept the note that I had found on his bedroom floor, and treasured every word of that first therapy session. Despite the fact that I knew he was hurting, I was always happy in his presence.

But sometimes, in the dark of the night, when I walked into his room and saw him tossing and turning, brow wrinkled in fear, deep in the depths of another nightmare, a horrible image came to my head: Ciel, my beautiful, broken little Ciel, sitting in a pool of scarlet blood that contrasted like roses on a snowy day against his porcelain, knocked unconscious, tears frozen to his cheeks, diamonds of sadness, his small chest still as he took his last breath, a ghostly smile appearing on his lips as he whispered: ah yes…the pain…it is gone. Ciel, shattered into pieces so small that the beautiful, innocent, chocolate loving boy that I knew vanished, to be replaced with the cold, proud, broken creature that I had found on my front steps, shivering in the cold night air a few months prior.

I knew that the peaceful serenity I enjoyed on my walks was Ciel was like the ice on the koi pond: beautiful, but thin as paper, ready to be destroyed at any moment, never to be repaired.

And so, with all these thoughts racing through my head, as I walked through the snow-covered park with my young charge, I reached out and wrapped my large hand around his.

**A/N: That's all for now folks. I had to write this in two parts, so that's why it seems a bit choppy. This is…I don't know…filler? I don't really like it, and sorry for the short chapter. Also, I had all this brain popcorn (random ideas bouncing around) so I wrote around 3 Naruto one shots. If you would like me to post them, please review (or you can just R&R because you want to.) Also, if I was to post them, who would you like to see Neji paired with (guys only, please).**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Please R&R,**

**Much Love,**

**W.H.T.**


	9. Chapter 9

Where Angels Fly

Chapter Nine

**A/N: Hello. I come to you from the depths of a pit of shame, I have not updated in a very long time. But, after being victim to writers block (actually, still a victim), I have decided to rejoin internet civilization and write something. Schools starts soon so the updates will be spontaneous. My psycho back to school preparations have begun, climaxing at cutting off all my hair. Hehehehehehehe. So, enough from me, to the story!**

**Warnings: I think you know by now.**

**Playlist: Back to Black, Hate on Me, Hair, What hurts the most, Not Like the movies.**

_Dreams are in italics._

**Enjoy **

_The darkness seeped under the door, curling in tendrils like tentacles, caressing the cold air of the bedroom. The boy, lying upon the bed, lay ignorant and unconscious of the darkness creeping towards him, tainting the white cloth in which he was swathed. As the tentacles crept closer, he gave a small sound in his sleep, burying his face deeper into the pillow, moonlight gleaming on the soft strands of his dark hair. He cuddled the pillow closer, as if the inanimate object could protect him from the horrors of the night._

_ The tentacles glided silently up the sides of his bed, the floor now a darkly swirling mass. As the white of the bed linens were eaten away, the boy gave a jerk, seemed to awaken. Instead of trembling in fear at the sight of the darkness creeping in upon him, he gave a little chuckle, and began to tear at the front of his nightshirts. The movements became rougher and rougher, his slender arms jerking as nails pierced his skin, leaving splashes of red on the white. The tentacles were closer now…_

_ As the tentacles came closer, almost touching the boy, the red seemed to spread faster, staining the sheets, the color gleaming darkly in the moonlight, like ice on a lake at midnight, the same ice that the boy seemed to be made of. The boy gave a last listless jerk and fell back onto the scarlet linens, just as the tentacles reached him._

_ Just before the tentacles saw him, I saw my own face, cold as stone, on the boy, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling, his right hand buried in his chest. In his other was his heart, which gave a small thump and died as the body of the broken boy, lying in a field of red poppies of remembrance was swallowed up._

I awoke, cold, sweating, my breathing oddly still. The darkness of my room laughed back at me, as if to say, "were you expecting light? You lost that a long time ago". The voice would be right. The darkness was where I belonged, my only home the shadows. I deserved these nightmares, they were a reminder that I didn't need to live, that I was just a parasite, a flea on the back of civilization. Still, I couldn't stop the shaking. "Get a grip on yourself, Ciel!" I thought. "You're weak enough as it is. Why are you afraid of the darkness now? You've been there your whole life."

But…a small part of me fought back, remembered a light. What was it called? Ah yes. That was it. Sebastian.

And then a flood of memories rushed over me. Laughing during a spontaneous snowball fight, my cheeks burning with cold. The first time I had laughed in years. Sitting by the fire drinking tea and reading a novel. And- most of all- the time he had reached over and grabbed my hand during that walk. The best memory of all, and the most confusing.

Then the memories were too much for me, and I broke down. The light in the memories unnerved me, I was so used to darkness that any sort of brightness made me shy away back into the shadows. Now, though, I felt myself wanting to draw closer to the light instead of away from it, to see, if I could not be part of that radiance, that I would at least not hinder it.

With the tear tracks still drying on my face, I pushed back the heavy coverlet, shivering as the chill of the night air hit me. My footsteps seeming to ring out as I crossed the wooden floor in the darkness, I timidly opened my bedroom door, glancing up and down the hallway, looking for something. I don't know what. Deeming the hallway safe, I crossed, managing to trip only twice in the dark.

And then came the scariest part of my short journey: the door. Although I had only moved about three feet, it seemed much more intimidating from this side of the hallway, sparkling white as a ghost in the dark of the hallway. After standing there for eternity, I gathered up my courage and pushed the door open, wincing as the door squeaked loudly, the sound radiating through the apartment.

When no reaction came from the contents of the room, I sallied forth on numb feet across the floor, my eyes peering through the darkness, earnestly trying to seek out the shapes of furniture in the darkness. After a narrow escape with the desk chair, I finally reached the bed.

And stopped again.

Well, this was going to be a lot more challenging then I had foreseen. On the bed, sprawled out under the coverlets was Sebastian (well, clearly. This was his room.) The challenge was that he was taking up absolutely the entire bed. Suddenly, he emitted a soft sound in his sleep.

After my heart had slowed down, having taken quite the fright from the sleeping man, it was time to gather up my courage again. I rearranged the limbs on the left side of his body so that he did not take up quite so much space, and readied myself to lie down. Nervous though I was, this was not a big deal. I would just lie down for a bit, until I had absorbed enough warmth and light and could go back to sleep.

The instant I crawled under the covers, however, I couldn't bring myself to leave. It was too calming, lying here in the warmth of another, drowsiness washing over me as I listened to the rhythm of steady breathing. Compared to the dark that awaited me when I was alone, it is was heaven.

Before I knew it I was asleep, feeling completely safe for the first time in forever.

**A/N: So after reading the mound of cheeseballs, I have to apologize both for the short length of this chapter and the long wait. But next chapter, you get to look forward to Sebastian being like, uh, why is Ciel here? Hehehehehehehehe. Adios!**

**Also, I would like you to notice what a big thing it was for Ciel to fall asleep in the presence of another, because he normally feels threatened by the presence of others. It shows the level of trust that he gives Sebastian.**

**Enough of this serious stuff!**

**Read and review!1**

**Love to all,**

**W.H.T.**


	10. Chapter 10

Where Angels Fly

Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey….please don't kill me…I know I haven't updated in ages and everyone is probably like, I give up on this story, so thank you to the few that are reading this. Just started a new school and all so I haven't had time to write I've also had terrible writer's block- I feel like I've totally lost touch with the story. Anyways, I hope you enjoy after the long wait.**

**Songs for this chapter: Almost Lover, Make it Stop by Rise Against (GO LISTEN, I SWEAR IT WILL MOVE YOU), In the Dark of the Night, and Hate on Me.**

**Warnings: Like usual. Go back and check if you need to.**

**Quote of the Chapter:** **Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. - Something nice and cheesy to get you in the mood for the story.**

** SEBASTIANS POV**

I awoke with a start, shaking slightly. I very rarely had nightmares but when I did, they never ceased to shake me. They always started out the same way, walking down a dark tunnel, and ended the same way- face down in a bathtub, blood dripping from the wrists of my own corpse.

Pulling the covers up above my chin, I stared at the window- long ago; I had figured out that if I stared at a bright light for long enough, I would become so blind that the tears in my eyes would disappear. "You're all right, Sebastian." I tried to comfort myself. It didn't really work, the memories of my old days lost in depression still scared me out of my wits, but there was certain warmth to the room that allowed me to recover more quickly than normal. As a matter of fact, this warmth seemed very substantial, emanating from the left side of my bed. Curious, I rolled over leisurely, expecting to see an empty patch of sunlight.

I almost crushed Ciel. My poor little patient lay curled up on the edge of the bed, his large blue eyes blinking in a sleepy fashion, slightly crossed- probably due to the proximity of my nose to these very eyes. He didn't seem at all surprised to see me, which was odd, because as far as I could remember, we had fallen asleep in very different locations the night before, and I couldn't remember a thing after that.

What exactly had happened last night?

Seeming to sense my confusion, Ciel spoke, coming out of his momentary daze. "Um, w-well, l-last night, you s-see, well, I…", he trailed off, pink staining his cheeks and leaving me even more confused. "WellIhadanightmaresoIcameinh ereandIguessIfellasleepIdon'treallyknowI'msorryI'll leavenow", Ciel finished at high speed, gasping for breath. He seemed a bit embarrassed, which struck me as odd, as he was growing quite confident (well, as confident as someone coming from his past could be). I hoped this hadn't just ruined all the confidence he had just built up.

"Well, the funny thing is, Ciel,", I replied, after a few moments of silence, "The same thing happened to me last night. I mean, not the part where I came in here, I mean, I was already in here, but, you know, the nightmare, well, I mean to say…Maybe both of us didn't have such a great night." For the first time in what I imagined was a while, the cherub cheeks of the younger boy split in a smile. Not exactly the response I was expecting, but I was glad to know that he was remaining calm. My therapy seemed to be paying off.

Awkwardly pulling away from him and sliding off the side of the bed, I walked slowly out of the room, calling behind me, "I'll be in the kitchen! I'm making pancakes!" Not exactly the most intelligent of things to do after an emotional confrontation, but my brain seemed to have turned off after a few moments of staring into those huge blue eyes. Pancakes it was, then.

Thirty minutes and several stacks of pancakes later, Ciel and I sat in contented silence at the dining room table. Well comfortable silence until it was broken by Ciel's delicate voice. "Sebastian" he said, "What do you do other than therapy? I mean, you must have some sort of hobby. You must have done something for fun before I got here." That surprised me. We'd talked, but it was either about random, meaningless things, current events or, during our therapy sessions, Ciel's past. It occurred to me that neither of us had really shared any of our interests- possibly an oversight on my part. "Hmmmm…" I honestly couldn't think of anything. Well, that was kind of said. Aha! "Well, I really like old movies-maybe old isn't the world. Classic films I guess. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know", replied Ciel. "I guess I just…felt like a bit of a burden. I mean, you're human. You must want to get out sometimes, pursue hobbies, women maybe. Just…live. But now you're stuck in your apartment, living with some guy that doesn't even want to live."

"Ciel." I said, turning his face towards me so he would have to watch me, "Listen to me. You are not a burden. You have been, and you never will be. Do you think I would still be here if I didn't think that this was the right place for me to be? No! Of course I wouldn't be. And as for my hobbies, do I look like the kind of man that likes to go out? That would be a no. And I don't 'pursue' anything. Not hobbies, not people. I help others- I help you- and I get more joy out of that than watching thousands of classics would ever give me. And last of all…please don't say you don't want to live. Even if it is true…I hope it won't always be that way. Someday, I hope that you won't even be able to think that anymore, and THEN I can sit down on the couch and watch and old film. With my friend Ciel sitting right beside me."

I broke off, chest heaving after my little speech. Across the table, Ciel's eyes were even bigger than usual, and he was blinking fervently. I felt a small pang as I saw the tears sparkling at eyes, but I let him walk out of the kitchen, watching him every step of the way.

**A/N: All done. Not a great chapter, I still feel out of touch, but hopefully enough to tide you over until the next chap, which shall be posted soon.**

**Adios, Amigos!**

**Read and review,**

**Much love,**

**W.H.T.**


	11. Chapter 11

Where Angels Fly

Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay, that leave of absence was completely inexcusable. I haven't died, I've just been busy…and uninspired…and I am SO, SO sorry that I have abandoned this. But I am back, for those of you who are still around…the reason I am back is all of your lovely reviews. I think I have gone on for long enough, so on with the story…**

**Warnings and disclaimers: I think this is getting a bit old…**

**Playlist: You may be wondering why I always have a playlist. It's not always music I suggest listening to while reading this, just what inspired me…I am a singer so I am inspired by music most of the time.**

**Make it Stop (Rise Against- I swear this song fits this story amazingly) Cemetery Drive, I'm Not Okay I Promise (Both by MCR) Somewhere only we know**

**Some of the quotes Sebastian says are paraphrased from my favorite speakers…there's about two, on from Finnick and one from My Sister's Keeper **

_Sebastian POV:_

It came out of the blue one day. There I was, sitting on the faded sofa in the living room with the head of my little bluenette charge resting comfortingly my arm, when he said something that jerked me from a content daze to a defensive sort of sorrow.

"Sebastian", he said, in a mournful, contemplative tone, "What is it like to be happy?"

And in one simple sentence, the boy I had become so attached to broke my heart to pieces so small that I fear I will never find them again.

A piece of my heart will always be missing.

A piece hiding in the corner.

A piece that belongs to Ciel.

Too shocked to respond for a few minutes, I simply sat and stared into those huge blue eyes, full of genuine curiosity. There was, for once, no sadness. No pain. Just the curiosity that young men like him are supposed to blossom with, but that he had never shown. Until now.

Under any other situation, I would have been glad. I would have been glad to see those beautiful eyes alight with some sort of emotion, instead of the cold, painful sapphire that I was used to. This curiosity broke my heart because if he was this curious about happiness, he must really never have experienced any. Even I, with my not-so-bright past, could name at least one happy memory (although all the ones that came to mind were recent, revolving around my young blue-haired charge). To never experience happiness…it was no wonder the boy was so cold, inside out. I had seen him crack, yes, but even when he did show emotion, only pain and sorrow came through. Ciel was a like a canvas painted only in blues and blacks- beautiful and cold and strong, but now I feared that he was perhaps too strong, too cold, because he never let the light in.

_Or maybe,_ said a voice in the back of my mind, _he's just waiting for someone to show him the light, because he has never seen it- does not even know what it is._

I had promised myself again and again to see Ciel give a real smile, one without an icy wall behind it, or give a natural laugh, but it seems that those promises had been arrogant. After all, how could you teach a boy to smile that did not even understand the concept of happiness? It was like trying to teach a child to walk when they did not even know how to move: with such a small foundation, it was challenging to teach.

But all those children learned to walk.

Ciel could learn to smile.

It would take lots of work, many tears, and maybe even a little blood. Walls like those around Ciel's heart were there for a reason-a soul like Ciel's would take ten times as long to put back together as it had taken to break.

But I would, be there, by his side, for that time and for longer, until the end of time.

Because that is what you do for those you love.

And all of the sudden, I had the answer to Ciel's question.

"Ciel…happiness doesn't have an answer. It isn't a thing, and it cannot be defined. Happiness is just a feeling…when you feel light, and when the weight of the world is lifted of your shoulders for just a few seconds...and you feel that life, at least for that moment, is worthwhile. Happiness not something that can be pursued, nor made…it cannot be seen, or touched…it is felt with the heart."

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt a small hand brush my cheek, wiping away a glistening tear, and a set of tiny arms encircle my chest. I felt bad, because I shouldn't be the one crying, because he had so much more to cry for, but he had too much pride, so we sat there in silence, wrapped in each other's arms, wondering why the world was so cruel.

My face burst into a proud smile, shining through my tears, when I came to further consciousness and noticed the warmth of his arms around me, seeping through the fabric of my shirt. This was the first time Ciel had ever initiated contact with me without caution, as he was normally fearful and distrustful of those who touched him, an instinct left over from years of abuse.

Another crack in the walls.

Pulling Ciel closer to my chest, I whispered "This is happiness".

"Why are you happy?" He replied. "You're crying".

"I know. I just…I wish we could stay here, right here, forever, you know? Safe, with just each other, and the pain and hurt of the world shut out behind that window. But I guess that's life. We get up, and we move on, and we stay strong through whatever is wrong with the world because all of us humans are stubborn like that. You're gonna move on with me, aren't you, Ciel?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I…never really thought I had anything to move on for, but, I guess…I'd like to feel happy, even just once before I die. And…I've heard that it's easier to go on when you have someone else to lean on", he said, lifting his face towards me. There was a sparkle there…it gave life to what had formerly been the eyes of a doll-beautiful, but with the beauty of dead butterflies, still and dead, with and undertone of pain.

"Leaning on each other it is, then", I said, the grin on my face growing even wider as I felt his frail body curl up next to mine.

For a moment we let ourselves get caught up in life, the seeming fragility of it, of this moment, lying on the couch in a peace that could be broken any minute. We forgot that we had to move on, and that there was dinner to make, and that I was supposed to be writing the hospital a progress report and that he had learning to catch up on. We just lay there in the darkening living room, sharing body heat under a ratty old afghan from some aunt of mine.

And for once, nothing was dark, or awkward, or tragic.

It just _was._

So when his little hand poked out from the afghan, reaching around for mine dazedly in his drowsy state, I wrapped it in my larger one and let myself pretend that everything was going to be all right.

Maybe it was.

Because I could feel the scars left from his own blades, still prominent, on his wrists, rubbing the scars on my own wrists.

And it wasn't gross.

It was like we matched.

**A/N: Sorry for making sebby all mushy, but he is supposed to have the warmer personality in this story…I tried to put in more dialogue than normal.**

**Thank you for reading this story if you are sticking around, or if you are new!**

**Reviews make my heart smile.**

**Much love,**

**I'll true to update sooner,**

**WHT**


	12. Chapter 12

Where Angels Fly

Chapter Twelve

Late in the evening, far after Sebastian had gone to bed, I crept into the living room, feeling my way past the furniture in the dark. Time had past since I had first arrived here, and now I could safely say that I belonged here- that this was my home, in this small, tidy, apartment, full of films, old poetry, gentle smiles and kind words.

And Sebastian.

Sebastian who taught me to look back at the past,

Learn from it,

And forget.

To listen to your heart, to your mind, to the music playing in your ears- that for the first time every, I could here.

Sitting down on the couch, I sat down, digging into the chocolate ice cream I had stolen from the fridge, and I thought about him.

I had realized almost the day I met him that what I felt for Sebastian wasn't strictly platonic – but what was it.

It was a bit like being angry, a bit like being scared, confused and all mixed up, and mad as hell. It's like when I've been crying, and I'm empty yet I'm full, and in the end, I'm drowning, like staring at a light bulb, bright to look at, so bright that it burns away at your eyes until you see nothing but stars.

When I'm with Sebastian,

There is electricity flowing in my veins,

Burning subtly,

And I'm free.

I feel a weight drop on to the couch beside me, and my body clenches, on instinct, at the anticipation of physical contact.

As a spoon clinked against mine, digging into the carton, I relaxed, the electricity sparking again, leaning into the arm beside me. We sat in silence, and I relished the firm presence beside me, the man who had managed to become light, air, earth and fire to me- steady, yet unpredictable, life-giving, and life brightening.

And as the familiar hand came to rest on mine, I thought, that, had I gone through my time again, I would have left my family much earlier- set out on my own, and lived life on my terms. I'd live without pain, but then again, a small bit of me said, had I never suffered, I would never have had the opportunity to meet Sebastian.

What was the use of dreaming now? I'd taken my chances, and, anyhow, if I knew of the joy that I knew now, I'd have chosen not to linger, in places of darkness, and trusted fate to bring me a person like Sebastian.

I'd have danced, alone, and not give a shit, twirled, by myself, and loved every bit, and I'd be me for an entire life, not some bug to be crushed by the harsh rules of society.

Sebastian had once told me, tearful, as he watched me shake from another nightmare "Here's a piece of advice, Ciel Phantomhive. Piss off, when things get bad. There is nothing that they can't give you that you can't get yourself. Start everything fresh, and don't look back. There is nothing left for you there, because you, Ciel, are very fucking special."

I knew that memory would stay with me forever, although I never expected to "piss off", as Sebastian suggested. I intended to stay right here, eating chocolate ice cream with my best friend, whilst we watched society crash and burn around our feet, until all were equal, until I was a king, and Sebastian a hero, and we could rule the chessboard, and watch the black pawns fall.

And even to our graves, we would walk proudly, strong, thought the grave was cold and our hearts colder still, shoulder to shoulder, a line of power, the last becoming first.

All this was too serious at such a late hour.

So I snuggled down further into Sebastian's suit (a bit superfluous I thought- did he sleep in the thing?) and nestled my head into the crook of my neck.

On the verge of sleep, I whispered "Good night. Love you…"

And I could have sworn I heard a reply.

Sorry its late and short and whatever and HOLY FUCK WHAT DID I DO THAT ENDING EHEHEHEHE a few quotes paraphrased form Billy Elliot songs cause im a dork

Night,

WHT


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